I Am Just Not Sure?

Last week I had my blood test, to see if I have this JC virus.

All this waiting makes me so unsure as to what I want for the future. 

Do I want to be on tysabri?

Why don’t I try the others first?

I have become very good at putting on a front, however there are parts of the day I find myself staring, blankly.

My new tablets for my back are great, they really do work, well that’s if I take them. If I miss one of my three a day I get all edgy and short fused.

They have also has an effect on my mood, I feel down, more tired and a little lost.

Having MS is one of those things no-one can understand until they have it, all the books might say I need to keep going but why can’t I just have a day? A day to rest and a day to not be okay.

Twice last week when someone asked me if I was okay, I said fine then inside my mind was shouting “LIAR LIAR” however no-one wants to hear how you really feel when they ask you that, especially when they don’t really give a shit.

I keep forgetting what I am saying and doing, tonight I even put talc in Pop’s hair when drying her, I completely forgot what I was actually doing.

Talc is surprisingly hard to get out of hair I have to say!

My mind is a mess and I know it. 

Only I know it.

Well, now you do I guess?

Putting on a face has made me tired, so I feel an early night might be on the cards.

Note to self, take tablet.

What was I doing?……….

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