Sometimes Even Warriors Need To Cry

Published February 20, 2013 | By Mummy

I have been called inspirational, brave, a warrior and strong, I am none of those things.

I don’t see it how they do, I see it from the inside looking out.

It makes me feel like a fraud.

Truth is, I don’t deal with things well at all, I have pushed the disease to the back of my mind, secretly hoping its not happening.

I would happily trade with someone who has a curable illness, even the nasty ones, how selfish is that?

I envy those people, I envy them because they have the chance to be normal again, to be better, I don’t really have that chance. You might say with certain treatments I do, but I don’t see it like that.

I see some of these treatments as a mask, especially the new ones, no-one knows what the long term effects are, for those few years of feeling well, no-one knows the shelf life, or what happens when you have to stop. When the time comes to take that mask of, you are simply the same person you were before, ruled by a disease that makes each day more painful and tiring than the last.

That’s our future, that’s what I have to look forward to?!

It makes me want to not bother, stop the trying and become that person I am destined to be.

You see, sometimes even warriors need to cry, they need to doubt and they need to stop coping, just for a while…

Thank you for reading. If you liked this post then why not: Share this post, sharing is lovely. Sign up for email updates at the top left hand side of the page? Comment, I love comments and aim to respond to each one :)

Posted in My MS Journey | Tagged depression, living with MS

4 Responses to Sometimes Even Warriors Need To Cry

mummyoftwo2 on February 20, 2013 at 4:33 pm

You are bound to have days feeling like this, it is only natural, you have a horrible disease that unfortunately you can’t do much about. I know it is not as bad as MS but I have an incurable skin disease that sometimes can be extremely painful and frustrating and I understand your comments about envying people with a curable illness.

Keep strong for your lovely children and keep venting on here if it helps! x
mummyoftwo2 recently posted..Playing with your kids – boring or fun?

Reply
- Mummy on February 20, 2013 at 5:24 pm
  
  Thank you, I just really need to crumble, I feel horrendous. I just want to hide. Writing helps. I sffered from terrible eczema when I was a teen, I know how awful it can be, big hugs to you xxxx
  
  Reply
  - mummyoftwo2 on February 20, 2013 at 8:31 pm
    
    Crumble away, just make sure you do it on here so we can all help (as much as we can anyway!) x
    mummyoftwo2 recently posted..Review – Magna Science Adventure Centre
    
    Reply
    - Mummy on February 21, 2013 at 6:23 pm
      
      Thank you lovely, means alot xx
      
      Reply