I am now trying to get used to living each day as it comes because my life will always be full of what ifs.
Of course I lay awake at night and list all the what ifs like some deranged loon, however controlling what goes on up there is not easy, so I will ignore that crazy long list and try and get on with living.
This time last year I was heavily pregnant and facing the hardest year of my life so far, although I know it has really only just begun, however at least I know what’s coming next, well for the next week or so anyway.
I am not kidding myself, I know that I am living off my last blast of steroids, I know that is what is giving me the ability to get up in the morning without feeling too much like death. However more recently my back has become a problem once again, which means upping my Gabapentin.
Sometimes the anger I feel at the fact I am 23 and feel like I am on the brink of 60 is unreal, its brings a whole new meaning to ‘god I feel old’
I am now setting my sights on next week, the 18th is the day I start my Tysabri, I am still apprehensive and I am not expecting miracles, just a little relief would be nice.
Then comes Christmas, Beboos first, I am hoping I can enjoy it and make it a good one for the girls.
All these things need to be done with this in mind…