I Need To Find Myself….

I really need to do it, I need to change things and find myself.

My blog has given me and outlet, a place to reach other people like myself, a chance to help other young people with MS, its something I feel really strongly about, something I intend to carry on.

I have gone through life just wondering and not knowing, making stupid choices, working in a fudge shop and going up two whole dress sizes, working for a lingerie home party company, talking dildos and wearing thongs with piles (not myself I swear) 

Now I have found something I love, something I am good at.

My depression began around 4 years ago, not that I knew it. When you start facing it, its like walking into a dark tunnel, no light, just darkness. It all starts with taking that step, four years on I have taken many steps, however its a journey I will always be on. 

I will deal with it my way. I will cry and shout, I will have regrets and I will rely on the girls more than I should, but I will always try and do my best.

I have been going round deliberating the choices I have, although I hate them, I still have them and I think the reason I am unsure about which treatment is right is because, right now, I don’t want one.

Only a few weeks in and I am covered in bumps, lumps and bruises. I want to be my own control, I know that makes no sense, but I just want to find out who I am first.

I will never be okay with my disease, but I’m stuck with it, I need to face it before I can fight it.

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