Literally, I have hit a wall and I am stuck in a dark place.
No amount of smiling is making me happy and everything I see or hear makes my head hurt.
All I want is to sit in a dark room alone, with nothing but silence. Nothing but myself for company, so I can wallow and just be for a while.
I feel selfish, but right now its the only thing that makes the pain in my head go away, it just seems to be what I need right now, I don’t know why, but the more I fight it, the more it hurts.
All this means I don’t have much going on in my head right now, just blank emptiness, which explains why I haven’t really wanted to blog very much. Not because I can’t find the words, but because there are no words. And when I do have words, they are quickly forgotten, completely untraceable.
I guess its all come on over time, very slowly yet still a massive smack in the face.
One I really could do without.
I was feeling okay, I was doing okay and I was finally finding my feet with everything and now I just feel like a massive let down.
Because I am obviously not as strong as I once assumed I was, because no amount of trying is making this go away.
Not anger, not hope, not happiness, nothing. It just is.