So, I have decided to open up about something I find very hard, even harder I guess having a disease like multiple sclerosis.
Motherhood and MS don’t really go well together. They are far from a match made in heaven and something I will always struggle with, even more so now with Pops growing up.
She she starts school in September. I know its still a way off, but its coming. Its just another big change we will have to deal with as a family.
Until now, I have not told too many other parents I have MS. I have left them to find out on their own, partly because its very taboo still and partly because its my life and my business. Those who do have spoken to me, they have asked me questions, which is always good and they have offered support. Especially playgroup.
Now Pops will be getting ready for school, she will change. She will grow up that little bit more and we will have to deal with a whole new set of problems.
She will not need me. She will not be here as much. She has to go to school, unlike playgroup where they understand that sometimes, I just want her home, with me.
Pops is four, she drives me nuts and all that crap but she has been there since day one of all this. She has held my hand and watched me cry, she understands empathy alot more than any normal 4 year old.
Now I won’t have that support, I feel selfish for not wanting her to go to school, because it means I will have to face more things alone. I should be looking after her, truth is, she is the one who does alot of looking after.
I know I have plenty of time to prepare myself, but it won’t stop me from being sad. I love the fact she is growing up, but as she does, she will change and need me less and less.
I just hope I don’t end up needing her more and more.