The Amitriptyline Hangover

So roll back a few months, I was not sleeping. I was exhausted from even trying to sleep, but just completely unable to switch off.

Once I was asleep I would sleep, it was just the whole getting to sleep part I was struggling with.

I think I ended up using nytol for around 4 weeks, I think given how tired I was, I would have tried anthrax if I thought it would send me off to sleep. 

Knowing what I know about drugs, I knew becoming dependant on said antihistamine was probably not the best option.

So when the time came to see the man in charge of, well, me?  The first thing out of my mouth was “please put me to sleep” I informed him about my longing to nip into the anesthetics suite when I was on my way to my infusions, just for a quick nap. 

He We laughed.

But that didn’t last long because I WAS KNACKERED.

So he gave me Amitriptyline. I knew a little about the drug and he said it would help me drift of into a normal sleep.

THANK GOD.

So although Amitriptyline is not really used for sleep, reports show people who do use it, have a real sleep.

So, the first night I took it. Two hours later I was asleep. 

The whole night, I slept. 

But the next day I had to wake up for some appointment and my did I feel like death. 

I literally felt like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards twice, thrown out of a tree and had someone shouting in my ear ALL NIGHT LONG.

I had been warned about the after effects at the pharmacy. How I would feel if I woke too soon.

I felt like satan had licked my brain. It was vile.

I had an Amitriptyline hangover. The worst kind of hangover ever.

And the only way to get rid of this hangover was to sleep. Sleep was the key.

So thats what I did!

Now, instead of feeling like I had danced with the devil, I wake up feeling like I had a real sleep. Kind of like a normal person does.

I need to make sure I get between 12-14 hours, but thats fine. As long as I can wake up ready to face my version of life, I’m good.

Thank god for modern medicine!

We are Baker Ross Bloggers!

So, it seems my children’s love of craft was spotted by the lovely people at Baker Ross, so we were invited to join their blogger network.

How could I say no?

Much to my delight, we recently had a box of goodies sent to us, mainly focused around spring time and mothers day. We took the opportunity to get some of the girls friends around and have a day a Nannies making some lovely bits and bobs.

The kids and adults had a wonderful time, Boo especially seemed to love the fact she had free rein with the glue, something which doesn’t happen too often. I thought I would let some lovely photos tell the story of the day with our first box from the lovely Baker Ross.

Craft one We are Baker Ross Bloggers!

Craft two We are Baker Ross Bloggers!

Baker Ross do some amazing kits, like the daffodil wreath, the kids loved it. Their prices are second to none and the quality of each product is fantastic.

All the kids had a fab day and everyone had something to take home to their mums, the magnetic hearts were an absolute hit, the loved being able to add their own creations to the front, as did the adults evidently!

Keep and eye out for our next box of goodies and what the girls will do with it, I am sure it will be bigger and sticker than before!

Recovery Is Imminent!

So last week was fun. Spent most of it sleeping in bed, with a drip in my arm. Saying that, it did stay in for the whole three days, which was a big shocker to both me and the nurse!

The disappointment and drudgery of life is starting to go. I think I am finally taking control and getting back on track.

I guess when I was going through the rough patch I should have considered a relapse. It never really occurred to me, I guess the tysabri helps loads, but does not make me invincible. 

Probably need to remind myself of that from time to time :/

I guess thats the thing with a lifelong condition. Other people get to fully recover, be cured. But people like me don’t. We just get to have a little bit of normal before falling into a Multiple Sclerosis state.

Then we’re right back to where we started.

During my relapses I tend to always go into a little bit of a lost state. I sit and doubt myself repeatedly. Worry I will never again find my kind of normal.

But I do.

I just need reminding and reassurance from time to time.

So I guess that has been my last few weeks, and contributes to my continual silence.

A silence I hope to break, eventually. Right?!

Meet Joyce, A True Inspiration #LastingChange

This is my digital postcard from the amazing ladies from Team Honk. Team Honk is about bloggers raising money and awareness for Comic Relief. To celebrate International Women’s Day #iwd2014, Tanya, Annie and Penny are in Tanzania finding out how donations to Sport Relief last year have created female entrepreneurs and #lastingchange for women, their families and communities and beyond - rippling out #lastingchange in Africa.

Meet Joyce,

unnamed Meet Joyce, A True Inspiration #LastingChange

Through mentoring and training the Gatsby Trust have helped Joyce expand her poultry business from just a few chicks to now having 300.  She has also now built an extension to house another 400 which should be arriving next week.   The training that Joyce has received has enabled her to make her own feed, thereby saving her money, and also to ensure the feed is healthy.   It has also taught her to recognise signs of disease in her chicks to such an extend that she now has a completely healthy clutch.   Other poultry keepers in her area now phone her for advice and training.   The network of women is now in a much more powerful position to broker deals to sell to supermarkets as they can promise supply, which Joyce couldn’t do on her own.   Joyce is supporting her family and is able to pay for her son to attend a boarding school.

The work the amazing people at Comic Relief and The Gatsby Trust do is really amazing, it provides lasting change for people all over the world, and heres how you can help…

5 MINS  Please RT, share and support any updates you see with the #lastingchange hashtag.

DONATE You can help create #lastingchange by sponsoring #teamhonkrelay for Sport Relief

GET INVOLVED Join up for your local Sport Relief event here.

Thanks for helping to create #lastingchange

Feeling Bare

For the first time in around 7 months I am feeling bare. Blank, achey and full of the symptoms I worked so hard to get rid of.

A relapse.

A word you associate with alcoholics or drugs users, but one that is used to widely in the medical world.

 re·lapsed, re·laps·ing, re·laps·es

1. To fall or slide back into a former state.
2. To regress after partial recovery from illness.
3. To slip back into bad ways; backslide.
A falling back into a former state, especially after apparent improvement.

The perfect term to describe the pain. 

Today I visited my neurologist, I needed his okay for steroids to speed up the recovery cycle for this relapse. My Neuro is one of the nicest medical professionals I know, bar my MS nurse and Hannah from the hospital. He always knows what to say and completely understands this illness. He knows my request for “sleep” means “please medicate me so I can sleep” 

A harsh reality of MS is that we cannot be cured, but we can have access to some amazing substances to help us manage. I don’t believe humming a lot and eating organically will ‘cure’ me or anyone with MS. I believe in managing my symptoms and taking the necessary drugs to ease the pain, the lack of sleep and relentless depression.

People often forget, its going on below the surface. You might think you are ‘cured’ but in reality, an MRI scan could reveal an entirely different story.

Anyhow, Monday sees the IV team coming to the house so I can have my three day IV steroids.

Monday I treat my first relapse in 7 months. I am gutted it happened as I was doing so well. But at the same time, I know Tysabri only stops the frequency of the attacks. It doesn’t stop them all together.

So I did well to get this far. Right?

 

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